Living Life in Bloom

  Listening, when done right, is a full-body activity. Meaning transforms in the light of the speaker-listener relationship, and comes alive in the interpretation by an open witness. Robert Greenleaf described listening as “an attitude toward other people and what they are trying to express” ( Servant Leadership ). In deep listening, we assert respect and acceptance of the speaker in their full spirit and humanity. Greenleaf writes that “a true natural servant automatically responds to any problem by listening first.” Listening is a key element of leadership and team development. It’s essential to bridge-building among groups of people. And it can be used in a healing relationship. Rachel Naomi Remen writes in her chapter Just Listen, that “the most basic and powerful way to connect to another person is to listen. Just listen.” Listening with presence and heart means avoiding the urge to interrupt, even to express understanding. When we interrupt, “we move the focus of attention ...

  Throughout the month of February, we see stories and images to remind us of Black contributions to American history. I don’t think celebrating Black History Month was ever intended to negate Black presence throughout the other months of the year, but honestly it feels too small. I’d been trying to think of something valuable to write during the month of February and felt stuck; there’s so much to say and so much to share. Here we are in March, and I’m at least going to make a nod towards the wonder of Black power in birth and parenting. I hope we can all celebrate this year-round. Black mamas and birthing people experience institutionalized racism in their daily lives, and this ranges from economic barriers due to stolen chances at generational wealth, to facing little “t” traumas (microaggressions), to large “T” Traumas (mistreatment). They are also burdened with historical traumas from mistreatment of past generations. These continuous incidences of implicit bias and institutio...

Our world seems fixated on “fixing.” Action plans, process improvement plans, variance analysis – all of these govern ways of thinking in organizations and in our lives. Everything from our health to our home organization to our financial success can be regulated, allegedly, by a combination of the right approaches and products. In pregnancy, birth, and parenting there’s a lot that’s out of our control. That’s an enormous mindshift at a fundamental level for many of us. But it’s a necessary mindshift for transitioning into parenting. In labor, trying to control or fight against the waves of contractions causes pain at best, and stalls labor at worst. In parenting, we can drive ourselves absolutely crazy by hanging on too tightly to outcomes. Most parents have had some situation that looks like this: you plan a trip to the park; snack bags and extra clothes and supplies are packed. The three-year old is dressed and ready, and the six-month old is strapped into the carseat. Then the thre...

 Birth trauma can feel like peering through a fence and not knowing how to get to the other side. Trauma can look different from birth to birth and from one person to the next. It can impact mothers and parents, caregivers, family members, and health staff. In my view, we must take steps to prevent birth trauma and address it when it develops. We can support birthing women and gender diverse parents, their families, and their care teams.  Prevention can look like engaging the mother/birther as a co-decision maker and leader of their birth process; embracing true informed consent; avoiding coercion; and using open, nonthreatening communication before, during, and after birth. We can start to heal birth trauma by bringing stories into the light. Birthing parents who have experienced trauma may find healing through creative expression. They may benefit from therapy which could include trauma-focused psychotherapy, spiritual counseling, naturopathic or allopathic medicine, and som...

Recently I was part of a social media exchange. A doula posted that she had missed a birth and explained the circumstances. The client had a rare but serious complication and had an emergency C-section before the doula could arrive. The birth professional expressed that she felt “awful” and was looking for words of encouragement, support. Being a doula is hard. Lots of jobs are hard. This one is hard in unique ways. Oftentimes, we pour our hearts and souls into our work. Things are not clear-cut. In one situation the call we make works out perfectly. In another, we make the same call, but we miss a birth or a client is unhappy with services. I offered words of encouragement and shared a little bit about how I would have handled it, affirming her choices. My main goal was to help her feel less alone and to feel supported. That’s what she asked for. Over the next few days, comments piled onto the thread. And comments were made upon comments of other commenters. The first few comments w...

In the summer of 2006 I was in my third trimester with baby Charlotte and living in South Carolina. We were near Charleston in a small town in Berkeley County and it was oppressively hot. Out of curiosity today I looked up the weather reports from that time. The South Carolina State Climatology Office published a summary of weather trends by month for that year. The report says "South Carolina baked the first week of August." A nearby Berkeley County town apparently reported 103 degrees on August 3. The report indicates that tropical storms followed not too long after that, which is typical for the region that time of year. Charlotte (who now goes by Caedyn) was born on September 21. I remember intense fatigue -- more so than with Juliana who was born on New Year's Eve. I became dizzy immediately anytime I walked outside (to be fair, I've never been great with heat so that's not so out of the ordinary). The heat and humidity formed a solid wall, and I had to face...

Most of the time, babies in utero turn head-down, or cephalic, before they are ready to be born. But sometimes they are breech, with bottom or feet down. In the United States, nearly all breech presenting babies are birthed through Cesarean section (surgical intervention). But it doesn’t have to be this way. Breech presentation can be viewed as a variation of normal – occurring in about 3-4% of term pregnancies – and there are ways to safely support vaginal breech birth. One way to support breech birth is to ensure that birth attendants are trained in physiologic breech. Unfortunately, residency programs in the US are now rarely training obstetrician physicians (OB doctors) in physiologic breech birth. Physicians may be trained that it’s so dangerous it should never be offered as an option. There are some OB physicians in practice who have the skills and the comfort level to support vaginal breech birth. There are also many midwives who are skilled and can support out of hospital breec...

Birthing women and people of size deserve no less than to be respected, honored, and wholeheartedly supported during their pregnancy and postpartum experiences. Pregnant women with higher body mass index (BMI) may be discriminated against. They may be presented with a barrage of anticipated risks rather than getting individualized support when seeking health services. BMI has (finally) been taken down a notch in the medical community, at least “on paper.” The American Medical Association published a new policy in June of 2023 that aimed to clarify the role of BMI. They called out “historical harm,” “use for racist exclusion,” and other limitations of the measure. In BMI We Trust, Reframing the Body Mass Index as a Measure of Health , medical sociologist Iliya Gutin argued that we should use BMI as only part of a holistic view of health, recognize its limitations, and be more flexible about its interpretation.  But how do people of size actually feel when seeking health services? I...

Photo by Mediamodifier on Unsplash The federal  Pregnant Workers Fairness Act  went into effect June of 2023. It requires covered employers to provide "reasonable accommodations" to a worker's known limitations related to pregnancy, childbirth or related medical conditions. There are some exceptions if it causes the employer an "undue hardship." You can read more about the law on the EEOC's website at  What You Should Know About the PWFA . Here are some of the possible reasonable accommodations pregnant people can request:  Ability to sit or drink water Get a closer parking spot Request uniforms and safety apparel that fit Receive flexible hours Receive additional break time for using the bathroom, eating and resting Be excused from strenuous activities or chemicals that can harm you or the baby This legislation is a step in the right direction. If you're pregnant, you deserve to be safe at work. You deserve to stay hydrated and well-nourished. You dese...

  When my kids were little but experiencing big, big emotions, I had a consistent response: Let's express that . There were ample crayons, markers, paper, and other supplies provided. The point was -- don't keep it inside; get it into the world. And use it!  I drove them to dance and music classes. But not every child learns in the same way. Philip was distressed with a piano teacher who relied on a rote approach to learning. After giving him some space from formal lessons, he leaned in on his ability to play by ear and also used youtube videos to teach himself the tunes he was interested in. And Caedyn -- after learning how to make sock puppets by sewing pieces of fabric together -- took off and took the skills to the next level. Soon after that they were reinventing tops with bits of snazzy fabrics from old clothes.  In elementary school, Philip drew comics that were wildly funny -- and I couldn't even tell you why. They were just clever. He went through a period where ...

I've been thinking a lot about pregnancy, birth, and new babies. This goes with the territory when you're a doula.  Thinking, researching, listening, holding space for my clients. But right now I feel like I'm headed over the edge of a cliff because my own babies are growing up. You know that feeling right before you fall? (You may be especially familiar with this feeling if you live in Minnesota and have ever tried to walk down a hill after freezing rain.)  That's where I am. It's every parent's goal to see their children grow up healthy, happy, learning and adventuring. Right? Yes! But I never, for one moment, thought about this time of my life until it sneaked up on me. I spent a lot of time living in each high intensity moment -- starting with keeping a newborn alive, moving on to shuffling three kids to sports and dance and school, then walking side by side with them as they entered adolescence.  Then, Juliana married Landon this past spring.  Next she grad...

Todd came into my life when Julie adopted a kitten (after years of coaxing me). He quickly became my special little man. And that's when I realized I had officially reached middle age and saw my future unfold as a crazy cat lady. No regrets. This post is a shameless celebration of Todd couched in a popular topic -- work-life balance. Work-life balance is in and of itself an inaccurate term because it implies that work is somehow separate from life. Work-life rhythm has started to gain some popularity as a term -- but I think it still features a false divide. In any case, I think we've all heard the term and can agree on what it means. Work-life balance means taking breaks from work and effort-filled activities. It means taking time for nourishment -- nutritional and emotional. And it means enjoying our friends, family, and furry companions. Here's how Todd makes sure I'm observing work-life balance. First, Todd provides comfort to me throughout the day when I'm work...

  My sister Hella met her husband Mike at the climbing wall at the University of North Texas. Climbing and bouldering together cemented their relationship, kept them strong and provided stress relief during grad school and beyond. When Hella became pregnant with their first child, she kept climbing.  The photo featured in this post shows her bouldering at about 5 months' gestation. Mike also proudly shares a video of Hella climbing a 5.11 at the gym, at full term and 3 days before she gave birth. (She wore a special harness to support her pregnant body for climbing.) Climbing was a way for Hella to feel alive and healthy during her pregnancy. As a doula, I look at the photos of her and see her building strength in her pelvic floor, hips, core and full body. I see her opening her pelvis for birth through the natural motions of climbing. Other pregnant people find that walking, yoga, or biking keep them feeling well. Some love dancing or swimming. Talk to your midwife or doctor...

One of my favorite mom memories is when little Juliana (just shy of age 3) picked up baby Charlotte from her bassinet, carried her to the living room, and plopped her on the floor. At first I thought Julie had just brought one of her dolls out to play with. Imagine my surprise when I realized it was not a doll but rather my precious newborn! Both of them seemed perfectly content, by the way. To this day, I have no idea how Julie – who wasn’t even as tall as the bassinet – managed to get Charlotte out and carry her down the hall. Another favorite memory is of tandem nursing. Julie enjoyed nursing until she was somewhere between 3 and 4. Cuddling Julie on one side and Charlotte on the other seemed to be the penultimate experience of motherhood to me. Oxytocin is a beautiful thing. And when I was birthing baby Philip: Charlotte (age 15 months) visited for a bit at the birth center while Julie (age 4) swam in the expansive birthing pool with me while I labored. She eventually fell asleep,...